Feeling Down

Before
15/11/06
I’m in a bad mood but I’m also realising that I haven’t been in a bad for ages. Not this kind of thick malignant fog anyway.

My I-Pod’s refusing to working. Technology has failed me which would be ironic if it wasn’t so fucking frustrating.

And I’ve left my glasses downstairs. This isn’t a problem of simple laziness. Jack is downstairs and is happy with my parents, but if I go down and he spots me, then I lose the opportunity to write. Besides, I’ve been wearing them too much recently.

My I-Pod is showing a sad face and an exclamation mart but is now moving between this and the Apple logo which seems more promising than a totally blank screen. I’m hoping that the batteries are just totally drained and it will sort itself out once it has been plugged in for a while.

I know, I know. You’re waiting on tentahooks for the conclusion of this riverting thriller. But fear not, my friends, I will keep you updated.

A gale is blowing up outside, The sound of the wind and the rain make me shiver although I am not cold. I am writing upstairs on the little table which is just the right size for the bed., I have one sidelight on. It is cosy.

But I feel fat. I feel my stomach expanding against my jeans; jeans that last year were too big for me.

My shoulder’s also bothering me. The numbness still the result of the two hours I spent handcuffed at Sack Parliament.

But it is my massive midriff that is my real preoccupation, my main cause of sadness. I keep seeming to pile on the weight. I think maybe it’s partly down to my medication, but my diet has ben crap recently: whole packets of biscuits demolished in one sitting. It’s not good.

Still no I-Pod. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten my promise. At least if there’s music I might move. And if I move at least there’s some chnce of losing some calories.

I don’t want to be a weight obsessed freak, I really don’t.

Well, that’s good. I’ve changed Jack, got my glasses and now my I-Pod is working again.

Oh, yes, that was it, feeling fat. I went into New Look a few weeks ago, and tried on some black combats, a hoodie and a gillet. I look in the mirror and all I could see was a fat version of my former image. Totally gutting.