Thoughts on MA

Before:
Thoughts on MA Course
I am feeling increasingly confident in my skills through doing my course. I’m learning to be precise, I’m learning to think about every word, about whether the narrative is consistent, whether the right image is being created.

I feel very alert. Super wired. I’m on a long elastic band waiting to be twanged.

But I am also feeling swamped. I feel like I’ve got too much to think about and there’s only so many projects that my head can hold onto. It’s difficult because I can’t settle on anything, just lots of works in progress.

Yes, we all know that this is because I have a fear of completion. A fear of having to say this is finished, please read. Even articles I’ve written have been up to the deadline because I’m afraid that I can’t do it. I need the deadline to make me do it, to prove I can do it.

Only this course has given me more confidence, I can do it. It’s not a fluke. When I have to, I can sit down and write and something reasonably coherent comes out the other end.

Well, one last note to myself. DON’T PANIC. This is the key to all of this. If I can keep calm then I can keep on top of things. And if think things are coming on top, then I need to prioritise.

I suppose I’m worried because I’ve got so many different threads running through my head and I’m worried they’re going to tangle themselves into one large inscrutable knot.

If nothing else, this course has got me writing every day again. And it’s got to the point where I’m writing automatically. I find myself sitting with my notebook and pen almost subconsciously; my notebook has become an extension of myself