Busted and banned, single and sad

I haven't written all week, haven't been able to face the keyboard, haven't been able to face the reality of words.

My relationship has gone into total meltdown and I'm grieving for what we once had. I think of my beautiful boy and how this is tearing his little world apart and it breaks my heart. But what am I supposed to do? Neither of us can stay in this loveless, sexless relationship. Hopefully we will all be happier in the long run, but it doesn't feel like it at the moment.

No one else has blogged about what happened last week, so in order to protect the guilty, I will leave out all names.

Last Saturday I went out for the night. It's not something I get to do very often with a three year old, so I was really looking forward to it. And for the most part it was a lovely night and I got very drunk.

We went to a club to dance to crappy music and to shout at each other over expensive pints. My friend and I got involved in what we perceived to be a racial incident and I got thrown across the club. I was then threatened by a woman who told me I didn't know what was really going on and backed off as I was drunk and didn't know the full story.

We stayed until closing time, and on the way home, came across several police cars. My friend was bet £10 that she wouldn't run over the top of the car. This was the red rag to the bull and she gladly took them up on the generous offer. However as she got down, she was told she was nicked and was led off to a police car.

Now, where I come from, you can't watch a friend get nicked and not do anything. So myself and her partner argued. We pointed to the top of the car and asked to be shown the damage she had caused. I swore more often than I would normally have done sober, but all I was doing was questionning the legality of the arrest.

We had our argument, realised we were getting nowhere and turned to leave. I made one last parting comment about the whole thing being "fucking ridiculous" and that was it. It was one comment too far and I suddenly found myself, once again, face down on the pavement.

A random, fat, bald man, who'd been itching to get involved, helped arrest me. The first time I've ever had a random civilian help arrest me. Afterwards, I've been told, he also assaulted my friend.

We got taken to a deserted Falmouth police station. I was put in an interview room and told they were going to deal with us by way of fixed penalty notices, but we had to come back the next day as they couldn't issue them when we were drunk.

So, less than an hour after arrest, we were back with our friends, which was quite a result given they were threatening to take us to Camborne.

Two days later, I received a letter in the post telling me I had an interim "pubwatch" ban, giving a long list of places I couldn't go and saying I could make written representations for their next meeting. Helpfully, there was no date given for their next meeting.

Then yesterday, I received a letter telling me they'd had their meeting and had unanimously decided to ban me for three months. My friend has received no such ban, so I can only presume mine is due to my long record and a police file that screams troublemaker.

And I really wish I could see the funny side, but I can't. I just feel victimised. The list includes places I take Jack for coffee and food and it just means more hassle. I plan to ignore it, but I can't risk ignoring it when I'm with Jack. I'm going to appeal but I don't fancy my chances if I'm honest. I'm also contesting the drunk and disorderly charge, both as a point of principle and because I want to know who the bald fucker was who's fucked up my wrist.

So now I'm feeling shaky and sad. Sad because of my relationship breakdown, shacky becuase Falmouth was my safe space. I came to Falmouth becuse I wanted to get away from police harassment, get away from the assaults and arrests. And now I'm feeling like it might be starting all over again. Being known as a troublemaker in a small town can never be good.